


It's Oh So Quiet

by SioDymph



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020), DCU, DCU (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Professors, F/F, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24921982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SioDymph/pseuds/SioDymph
Summary: Harley’s been doing pretty good. Her business is booming, she’s got her own apprentice, no one’s trying to cut off her head (at least not at the moment). It's all going great! She doesn’t have time for any silly romances, she’s a busy woman! Plus she’s over all that lovey-dovey crap.That is, until she meets her newest client, Dr. Pamela Isley.And just like that, she’s falling.
Relationships: Cassandra Cain & Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley & Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 28
Kudos: 124





	1. So Peaceful Until...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pride/Wrath Month everyone!

After so much shit… After all the heartbreaking, double-crossing life-threatening shit Harley had to deal with, things were finally looking up!

For starters she finally had a half-way decent partner in crime. Her own apprentice! Batman was always flying around with his own army of crime-fighting brats, it was time everyone else got some kids of their own. And Cassie proved to be a great sidekick. She was such a clever little cutie, Harley knew the kid had potential to be a bad bitch someday. Just like her. She just needed a little help learning the rules of Gotham, make sure she stayed off anyone’s hit-list, and it wouldn’t be long until the two of them were running the city.

Not only did she and Cassie make a good team, but turns out they also built a great business together. Who knew Mercs-for-Hire could be such a lucrative business?

Actually Harley knew.

Working with Mr. J she learned quickly that goons were a dime-a-dozen. Most bosses hired entry-level guys, knowing full-well they’d end up in body-bags. But when it came to specialized experts who actually knew what they were doing? Gotham Baddies would shell out some serious cash to outsource the dirty-work they couldn’t trust a common goon to take care of.

Harley and Cassie quickly cornered the market on commission-based crime. And they loved it!

They’d be hired to stalk targets, spy, dig up dirt on people’s enemies (or cheating spouses. Or worst of all: their in-laws). They’d steal shit. Find shit. Sometimes they’d be hired by people to find the shit they’d already stolen for another client. It was great!

But the most fun was when they were hired for hits. Harley loved being given a real challenge. Finding new and creative ways to kill targets. That way nobody would be able to connect the dots and trace the murders back to her and Cassie. The best crimes were the ones you never discover. Plus Harley prided herself on being a true-crime buff, she use to psychoanalyze criminals for a living after all. So she knew a thing or two about committing an untraceable crime.

Plus since she was so buddy-buddy with the Birds of Prey, Harley didn’t have to worry about the trio of leather-clad vigilante-babes stepping on her toes. They left her and Cassie alone as long as they didn’t get into too much trouble.

So all thing’s considered everything was going great! They were making big money along with a big name for themselves in Gotham. And though many people still knew her for being Joker’s girlfriend, lately she’d been hearing less and less of “Joker’s Bitch” and more of “Harley fucking Quinn”. And she absolutely adored that! She was finally breaking out of Joker’s shadow and taking the stage. Front and center!

She couldn’t help but grin at the thought as she and Cassie drove to meet their newest client.

“You’re in a good mood.” Cassie said, slipping on her heart-shaped sunglasses as the sun began to rise over Gotham. “You get another bonus check or something?”

“A new project actually!” Harley corrected. “Some Professor-Nerd at Gotham University was asking around, looking for a Merc-for-Hire.”

“Isn’t that hypocritical? You use to be a doctor.” Cassie pointed out.

“Still am! They can try and revoke my license but they can’t do nothing about this beautiful brain!” Harley said proudly, pointing to her head with one hand as she drove. “Besides, I already did the hard work, so I’m allowed to make fun of those suckers. The real nerds think all the student loans, sexism and low self-esteem are still worth it.”

“That doesn’t even makes sense.” Cassie teased.

“You know what really doesn’t make sense? Modern academia! It’ll chew you up and spit you out!”

“So what do you think this Professor wants?” Cassie asked.

“I don’t know actually,” Harley trailed off for a moment before her eyes lit up. “Oh! I hope she wants us to kill some academic rival! It’d be so cute!”

“And we’d get to out-smart a smarty?” Cassie continued.

“That’d be so much fun!” Harley laughed. “I can already see the look on some nerd’s face when he realizes he’s been out-smarted by the dynamic duo: a pre-tween and moi!”

“Hey, I’m not a pre-tween!” Cassie huffed, “I’m gonna turn 14 in a couple months.”

“Aw why can’t you stay small forever?” Harley teased. “It’ll be a lot easier to throw you into air ducts that way.”

“Ugh, screw you.” Cassie said, though there wasn’t much malice behind her words.

Harley was about to continue teasing when she heard her phone buzz. Not taking her eyes off the road, she pulled it out of her pocket and handed it over to Cassie. “Who is it?”

“Hang on a sec.” Cassie said, mumbling a little as she struggled to get Harley’s phone unlocked. “Uhhhhhhh it’s some lady. Her name’s Bianca?”

“Her? Again?!” Harley said, almost swerving out of her lane.

“She wants to know if you wanna get coffee.”

“No, no, no, no. I tried to let her down easy!” Harley whined. “Why does this keep happening to me?”

“Why you won’t just go on a date with her?” Cassie said. “She’s using heart emoji’s all over the place. The lady clearly likes you.”

“Just cause a girl likes me doesn’t mean I’m required by law to like her back.” Harley said.

“Even if they’re offering free coffee?” Cassie asked.

Taking a deep breath, Harley got ready to hand Cassie some important life-lessons. “Listen: No matter how polite or nice somebody acts, that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to date them. Accept gifts from them. Or even spend time with them. Capisce?”

“Got it.”

“Besides,” Harley continued. “Even if I did like her, _which I don’t_ , I- I don’t have time for coffee dates and wine’n’dine’s! I’m a busy lady! I gotta tight schedule to stick to!”

“We’re just too successful for love.”

“Exactly! We are too successful for love!” Harley exclaimed. “If Bianca wants to talk again, it’ll be when she has a new assignment for us. And not a moment sooner!”

“Was she the one who wanted us to bomb her ex-husband?” Cassie asked, struggling to remember.

“No, you’re thinking of that other lady.” Harley corrected her. “Bianca was the one who wanted us to test a poison she made on her old business partner.”

Cassie snapped her fingers excitedly as she remembered, before the weight of it fully set in. “Oh yeah! The toxic lipstick! … That stuff was disgusting.”

“You bet it was!” Harley said with a laugh. “I’ll give Bianca credit, she’s a creative lady.”

“A little creepy.” Cassie added.

Harley just kept going. “But I ain’t wasting any of her time or my own. I’m over love! I’m done with all of it! The romance, the promises you never keep, all that fairy-tale crap! From now on, I’m single and proud! Ain’t nobody gonna hold me down!”

After the shit-show that was her relationship with Joker, Harley had adamantly sworn off romance. All it did was bring her trouble. Even before Mr. J, her love-life had been a hot mess. She was always the one who fell the hardest, and she was also the one who ended up with a broken heart. And she was also the one who ended up locked up in Arkham with a bomb surgically placed in her neck. But not anymore. From now on Harley Quinn was a free woman.

Doing what she wanted, whenever she wanted.

And nobody would take that away from. Not even pretty Ms. Bianca Steeplechase, with her sexy shoulder pads and toxic lipstick.

Cassie pulled her from her revelry. “Wait, so what do you want me to tell Bianca?”

“Eh, don’t bother leaving a message.” Harley replied. “She can take a hint.”

“Hopefully.” Cassie said, fiddling around with Harley’s phone and setting it down. “You wouldn’t want her testing that poisoned lipstick on you.”

“No way!” Harley agreed. “I wouldn’t wanna risk getting cooties!”

“Cooties that also make you cough up blood.” Cassie added grimly.

“Like I said, she’s a creative lady.” Harley said.

Eventually, the duo got to the Gotham University, stole someone’s parking pass, and began searching for their new client.

Gotham University was an old historic school. Old stone walls covered in Ivy, a big fancy library, shitty food despite having an astronomical tuition. Plus a million undersized little dorms that hadn’t been updated since the 1950’s. Just your typical University.

Harley’s client had asked them in an email to meet them down in the research labs. Early in the morning so no one would see them. At this time of day, before classes officially began, the school looked like a ghost town. And the only souls Harley saw were a few desperate sophomores trying to do a sprint-of-shame across campus before anyone could see them. One kid had to take a break and puke their guts out into a bush, poor thing was so hungover.

“Back in my alma mater.” Harley mused sarcastically as the kid scurried away.

It was easy enough to get to the labs. Harley may have been an as a psychology student back in the day but she had friends all over campus. She’d known all kinds of nerds. The Art majors in their theater. The English majors in their secret study rooms in the restricted part of the library. Her favorites had always been the STEM majors doing their mad-science research projects down in the labs.

“What do you think the client will look like?” Cassie couldn’t help but asked as they walked.

“Probably some boring, old lady.” Harley joked. “I bet she was some pencil-pushing crone with tenure. And she’s finally decided to spice things up right before she retires.”

“Why would you think that?” Cassie asked, somewhat curious.

“Cause of two things. A: She’s working at GU. Their Faculty is pretty much a retirement home. And B: Her first name is _Pam_. There isn’t a single woman in Gotham under 45 whose name it fucking Pam.”

That was what Harley expected. When she’d been a student here pretty much all of her professors for Psychology had been old, white guys. A few of them still genuinely cared about their jobs. But most of them had clearly given up at trying to give a shit. And she expected most other departments to function similarly.

Honestly though, Harley didn’t care who they were or what they looked like. As long as what the clients wanted was actually possible, and they were willing to pay cash for it, Harley would be fine working for just about anyone.

Soon enough, Harley and Cassie were able to track down _Pam_ ’s lab. Room 966 up on the top floor of the Life Science department.

Walking into Pam’s lab was like walking into a tropical rainforest. All around the room plants were growing under warm sun-lamps. And there were tanks and terrariums full of plants along every shelf, like a menagerie on display. And blooming flowers gave the entire area a sweet smell. It was like the pair had accidentally been transported to an entirely different world.

“Yo Harley! Check it out!” Cassie exclaimed. Pointing to a table full of little Venus Flytraps.

“Holy shit!” She’d only seen plants like these on TV. Or Mario games. Walking over, she leaned over to get a closer look.

Giggling, Cassie waved her fingers over the plants. “You think they’ll try and eat my fingers.”

Suddenly, the pair heard someone speak up in a smooth voice. “That’s actually a misconception promoted by media. Venus Flytraps only close when the hairs on the inside of their mouths are triggered. And they only pose a real threat to small insects.”

Spinning around, Harley turned to see who their mystery client was.

She had been ready for so many things.

But nothing could have prepared her for the absolutely stunning woman she saw.

She was gorgeous. Her face looked like it had been chiseled by an artist. And she seemed so serious, the epitome of a stone-cold bitch. Funny enough, her cold vibe was countered by the fiery, red hair she had tied back into a neat little braid. That hair probably looked breath-taking flying free in a breeze. Harley could practically see it now.

While she was a little stupefied, Cassie turned around and decided to take the initiative on introducing themselves.

“Uhh, Hi!” Cassie said. “My name’s Cass and my partner here is Harley Quinn. I’m sure you’ve heard of us.”

“Oh, I definitely have.” The woman replied.

Harley had to resist slapping herself when she heard that voice. Good god girl get a grip! “Sooooo, you are-”

“Pamela. Dr. Pamela Isley.” Dr. Pamela replied with a smile so sweet it was probably giving Harley cavities.

“Pleased to meet you Doc. We heard you’re looking for help?”

“I am.” Dr. Pamela explained. “You see, I had something stolen from my labs. Something the University does not currently know about. So you can understand why I wouldn’t want to go to the authorities for this.”

“You’re right, you can’t trust the GCPD with anything.” Cassie replied.

“So would you two be able to help me relocate my lost property? And can you ensure whoever took it… strongly regrets their actions?”

Grinning, Harley stepped forwards. “I’m sure we can work something out, Red.”

Finally, Harley saw Dr. Pamela smile.

And before she could stop herself, Harley could feel herself falling. All over again.


	2. You Ring That Bell!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1000 years later I finally have an update! Lol hope you enjoy this new chapter!

As Dr. Pamela guided the pair deeper into her jungle-lab, Harley did her best to keep her cool.

Usually she was good about being chill with pretty people. Sure they usually made her heart flutter but she could keep it together. The Birds of Prey were drop-dead gorgeous in her book. Absolute babes. But none of them ever distracted Harley from her job.

But Dr. Pamela just had this charm to her. That little way she smiled, the way she moved, her _voice_. Harley had to force herself not to stare to long at the other woman. Focus on the task at hand. God, she was supposed to be a professional here!

She was saying something, Harley knew she should be paying attention more to what the other woman was saying. But her voice sounded so soothing and mellow. Harley couldn’t help but envy all of Dr. Pam’s students in that moment, they got to listen to this lady talk for hours. Lucky sons of bitches.

Taking a quick breath through her nose, Harley came back to herself. Focus on the task at hand, geek out about Dr. Pammy later. Hopefully Cassie had been paying attention while she had drifted off.

Opening up a regular-looking cabinet, Dr. Pamela revealed a secret greenhouse inside the greenhouse. Complete with a water system, lamps, and blackout curtains to hide the whole set-up from peeping eyes. Harley was no botanist, but based on the bright green foliage that defiantly weren’t maple leaves, she had a hunch that Dr. Pammy was growing some good kush.

“Why bother hiding these?” Cassie asked innocently. “The rooms already full of plants.”

“That’s because I have not been given permission to grow these. They’re special.” Dr. Pamela explained.

Cassie looked at the plant and frowned. “What makes them so special?”

“You’ll find out when you’re older.” Harley quickly explained.

“While working on my doctorate, I did my research in the unique genetics we see in plants.” Dr. Pamela continued her littler presentation, petting the secret plant’s leaves as she did so. “So many of mankind’s modern needs are met by the plant kingdom and we have domesticated and genetically altered these organisms to meet our every need. My research is based in the unique chemicals produced by plants that we depend for modern medicine and other commodities.”

“Medicinal commodities, gotcha!” Harley replied with a little wink.

“Right away I learned that the hemp family has many useful properties, and not just the one’s you’re thinking of.” Dr. Pamela said, giving Harley a pointed look. “And in secret I began creating my own, genetically unique strain of Cannabaceae. I’ve named it _Cannabis suadere_.”

“Sounds very… persuasive?” Harley asked.

That made Dr. Pamela smile again. “You know Latin too?”

“Kinda had to pick it up, plus Greek. Otherwise I wouldn’t know my –isms from my –idices.” Harley said with smirk.

Dr. Pamela nodded before gesturing to a barren spot in the cannabis chamber. “It can take years for a new plant species to be officially identified, let alone a species that was genetically bred. So when I discovered someone had broken into my office, hacked into my computers and stole some of my creations. Well, you can imagine how furious I was.”

“Oh I bet,” Harley said with a smile. “If anyone had even laid a finger on my thesis back in the day, I would have bitten their hand off!”

“So do you know who took your stuff?” Cassie asked.

Dr. Pamela sighed, “I have a couple of suspects. But I haven’t been able to confront any of them. Mostly because if they do have my data, there wouldn’t be anything stopping them from blackmailing me for my own research.”

“Assholes.” Cassie said with a scoff.

“My thoughts exactly.” Dr. Pamela agreed. “That’s where the two of you come in.”

Stepping over to her laptop, she pulled up several photos of different people, plus their names and little bios on who the fuck they were. Most of them were strangers that Harley had never seen before. Total nobodies. But there was one man on the list. As soon as she saw their face Harley felt the sudden urge to jump through the screen and attack him.

That shaggy brown hair. The wire-rim glasses. The fucking tweed jacket that was clearly too big for the man’s bean-like figure.

Swallowing, Harley tried to sound nonchalant. “You know Jon?”

“Dr. Crane? Yes, we joined the GU staff around the same time.” Dr. Pamela explained. “Do you know him?”

“I did, but that was years ago.” Harley replied, “He was one of the biggest douche’s in my Master’s program.”

“I’m afraid he hasn’t faced any character growth then.” Dr. Pamela replied. “You should count yourself lucky you never had to be his student. Those poor kids…”

Harley could already see it now. Crane had always been kinda creepy, he had been obsessed with scaring people and just fear as a concept. If he was even half as annoying and obsessive about fear as he’d been as a TA then Harley genuinely feared for his students. Those kids were goners. No wonder GU’s drop-out rates had steadily been picking up. No doubt Crane was literally scaring kids away from psychology now.

“So this jerk’s a suspect?” Cassie asked.

“Yes, and his ex-boyfriend as well, Jervis Tetch.” Dr. Pamela continued, pointing back to a previous suspect’s photo.

Crane’s ex looked like a nice guy, a little on the shy side. Even in his work-photo he was curled up on himself. Practically hiding in his pastel turtle-neck sweater. Harley couldn’t imagine anyone ever dating a guy like Crane, let alone someone who already seemed so meek. And even though he was a potential thief, Harley still felt bad for him. A person like Crane probably ate him alive.

“So is Mr. Shy-Guy here a professor too?” Harley asked.

“Formerly a researcher here.” Dr. Pamela said. “He recently was given a grant by Wayne Enterprise for his cognitive research.”

Harley couldn’t help but detect a little jealousy in the other Doctor’s voice. She’d have to make a mental note of that for later. “Got it. Anyone else at the school suspicious?”

“One of Crane’s more ass-kissing TA’s, Ike.” Dr. Pamela replied. “Usually he doesn’t give two-cents about any of his assistants, but apparently Ike’s the only one who’s lived up to his standards. Crane and Tetch were the only two who knew about my… unofficial research. So it's safe to assume now, he might have potentially leaked information to his star student.”

“Everyone loves a good ass-kisser.” Harley teased.

Finally, Dr. Pamela pointed to a few pictures Harley actually did recognize. “Of course, I’ve also included some other potential thieves-for-hire any of these men, or someone else may have hired to do their own dirty work.”

Cassie’s eyes immediately lit up and pointed to one of the pictures of an absolutely smarmy-looking woman smirking in her photo. “Oh hey, it’s Maggie!”

“I take it you’re familiar with these folks?” Dr. Pamela asked.

“Oh you know it.” Harley replied. “Maggie Pye there has been trying to cut into our business…”

Maggie Pye was an interesting lady. Harley thought they might be friends if they got to know each other a little better… Also of Maggie wasn’t a total and complete bitch.

“Harri and Jaina though, those girls are fun.” Harley continued. Skipping past Maggie’s picture to the last three suspects. “And Merkel… He sure is Merkel.”

“Those are everyone I could reasonably believe could have done this.” Dr. Pamela replied with a sigh. “I’m sorry I can’t give you anyone more specific.”

“Are you kidding?” Harley could hardly believe the other woman. “Most of my clients don’t give me shit, and here you are giving me a full power-point presentation on the crime, your suspects. You’re amazing!”

Dr. Pamela seemed taken back at first. “Oh, uh. Well, I hope this information is useful to you.”

The doctor even looked cute when she was flustered. Harley had no idea how she was gonna make it through this investigation alive.

“So what do you want us to do exactly?” Cassie asked. Finally getting to the root of why they were here.

“What I need you two to do is track down who exactly stole my specimen and data. Find out why they wanted my research so badly. And keep any more of my research being leaked to other sources.” Dr. Pamela explained.

“Alright, alright.” Harley said with a nod, before something occurred to her. “Oh! Important question. I know some of these guys are your coworkers and all. But when we find these guys, do you want them- Just-“

Harley mimed and knife slicing across her throat.

“If it can be avoided. I like minimal blood shed on your part.” Dr. Pamela said sweetly. “Once you find out who did this, you can leave them for me.”

Harley felt her heart practically stop.

She swore… She was truly in love with this woman.

Cassie looked towards her with a pointed glare. Clearly waiting for her to say something. And when Harley was still feeling all tongue-tied, she decided to speak for her. “Don’t worry Miss. You can count on us!”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Dr. Pamela replied. Carefully, she sealed away her super-secret cannabis-cubby and began leading Harley and Cassie back through her laboratory-jungle. “If you find any information for me, or if you have any additional questions. You can contact me on the email I sent you before. Until then.”

With that, Dr. Pamela opened the front door to her lab and sent Cassie and Harley on their way.

As they wandered back across campus, Cassie spoke up.

“Well that was certainly something.” She said. “What the heck happened in there? You kept going quiet. And you’d get this weird look on your face.”

“What can I say, I’m a weirdo.” Harley replied lightly.

“I mean, that’s a given. But you were being like weird-weird.” Cassie continued. “Was Dr. Pam giving off bad vibes or something?”

Dr. Pamela was giving something off alright. Harley shook her head. “No, no, no. She seems sweet. Super cute too.”

“Whatever. At least this job’s easy enough. Just go find some missing plants?”

“It sounds simple enough.” Harley replied. “But I’d hold my breath. From past experience, anything Involving Jonathan Crane is never easy. That guy’s just the worst.”

“Worse than Magpie?”

“Worse.” Harley said with a nod. “But don’t worry, I’m this’ll be a cake walk!”

Harley didn’t 100% believe her own words. But there was no point in trying to instill her own self-doubt on Cassie. After all, the job was easy enough on paper. It was just the people involved that were making this job harder.

Crane for one would be a big obstacle if he really was involved. Harley had bad memories of that guy. Somehow the perfect middle-ground between a pencil-pushing stickler and an unhinged delinquent. Plus he was the type of psychologist who always seemed more interesting in the conditions and not the person. So the worst kind of doctor there is. So anything even remotely involving him already spelt trouble.

It would also suck if Maggie Pye was involved in this as well. It was already bad enough with Maggie seeing them as competition rather than allies. Having to fight her hand-to-hand would just make that fragile-relationship even worse.

And then there was Dr. Pamela herself.

Harley wasn’t sure what to make of her.

The lady was drop-dead gorgeous. Clearly a genius. And was also genetically engineering weed? She was already a professor so she wasn’t hurting for cash. Why bother with that? It just seemed to be causing more trouble for Pam than it was worth.

Who knows though, maybe if Harley did a good job, Pamela would give her a free sample!

But if she was honest with herself… Harley was already wishing for something more than that…

She couldn’t believe herself! The moment she swore off love, here it comes crashing back through her front door. Ready to wreck her life all over again.

Only this time, she had to make sure Cassie didn’t get hurt in the fallout.

Cassie beamed up at her as she hopped back into the car.

“Yeah, I think we’re up to the challenge!”

“… You know you, kiddo!”


End file.
